Face it, you’re addicted to saying, “let’s hang out!”

Dear Shigufa,

You’re addicted to the phrase, “Let’s hang out!”. The way it falls of your tongue as filler; the next step in conversation as it comes to its inevitable close. Maybe you mean it when you say it, but let’s be real. You’re setting yourself up for failure, dude.

The thing is, you really believe it, though. When you say, “Oh yes, let’s make a plan! Next week!” while you know very well that you planner is filled in every single available slot till finals week, you truly believe that you’ll find a way to clear everything and make this work. I don’t blame you, girl, you love friendship and you love to try new things! But not exactly adventure though, just like new food restaurants? Let’s just recognize food is your social currency. So even though your broke and booked, you still keep saying that, “No, but seriously we have to! We have to!”

But the the thing is, crazy girl, you don’t actually have to! No one is forcing you to make these plans, and on the flip side, the people you want to have friendships with will understand that life sometimes gets a little too busy and gets in the way. (Because you’re not going to be able to move around that work shift, that class, and the midterm the next day– it’s embarrassing you even thought.) So when you keep telling yourself you got to make plans, when you keep shaming yourself for not feeling up to your social engagements, when you keep making plans that you don’t feel 100% excited about– not only are you doing yourself a disservice by losing out on an insane amount of emotional energy but you’re also reinforcing in your head that you need to be consistently living up to these standards, otherwise you’re not living your best life. You are creating unreasonable expectations on yourself, and trying to obtain a goal that doesn’t even matter to you– a goal of, really, just keeping up appearances.

So, will you please just remember that your life is your life. Your interests are your interests. Your time is your time– and it is finite. So stop participating in things that drain you, and stop pretending that you enjoy things you find obligatory. If an obligation is draining you, reclaim your time hoe! 

Not everyone has to be your friend, and you don’t need to feel obligated to stay up to date with everyone. I know that you’ve been feeling guilty lately like you aren’t giving your all into your relationships, and honestly, doesn’t this explain why? You’ve got to: reduce your expectations, tighten the circle, reach out to those who really pique your interest and are meaningful and significant to you, and remember that whatever relationships you have, make them count.

As always, thanks for stopping by,

Shiggy (2)



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